Albert at dog-friendly Bed Bath & Beyond
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Review: Bed, Bath & Beyond (or, A Supposedly Dog-Friendly Thing I’ll Never Do Again*)

TREATS:  N/A

BELLY-RUB POTENTIAL:  1 out of 4

In an earlier post, I looked at some of the indignities we dogs suffer in the name of love.  Lest my readers think that I am exempt from such treatment, let me confess: I, too, have endured occasional affronts to my honor committed by well-meaning humans.

On our walks, my People and I sometimes combine exercise with errands (not always—usually I lead them to just wander through the city like the flâneur I am).  Many of the businesses we visit signal their welcoming attitude with water bowls at their entrances and treat jars on the counter.  Other establishments clearly forbid dogs with stern signage. Occupying some strange middle ground is the home goods purgatory emporium known as Bed, Bath & Beyond.

Nothing on the exterior indicates that Bed, Bath & Beyond is dog-friendly, but the moment we enter, we are greeted by a uniformed Bed, Bath & Beyonder (henceforth referred to as Beebers) with a Canine Cart.** A Canine Cart is a regular shopping cart with a soft, padded cushion in the bottom. The carts were apparently introduced early last year.

Now, I enjoy being chauffeured around, but I always envision myself in a more elegant conveyance—say, an XK convertible.  Granted, on the occasions my People do travel by automobile, it tends to be a rented Chevy Cruze.  But even that beats being deposited into a plastic shopping cart as if I were a twelve-pack of bargain toilet paper.

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Look, I’m sure there are plenty of dogs who genuinely enjoy cruising around in their Canine Carts while bemused shoppers and friendly yet preoccupied Beebers look on.  A Maltese, for example, will put up with almost anything.  And the carts are surely a boon to my elderly or disabled friends, who are saved the hazards of navigating this large, confusing space on shaky legs.  But the whole experience just left me pondering what I’d done wrong in my life to wind up here.

No doubt I would enjoy Bed, Bath & Beyond a little more were I allowed to run free through its canyons of humidifiers and salad spinners and roll around in its piles of Calvin Klein bath towels. But as is, I could not wait to get out of here, and I made my displeasure clear to the Lady.  The only thing that made the ordeal tolerable was that a few humans took the time to scratch behind my ears.

(The Lady, for her part, says she probably won’t return soon anyways, as the checkout system triggers her migraines.)

Nonetheless, dear Beebers, we appreciate the effort.

 Bed, Bath & Beyond is located at 820 Sixth Avenue in Manhattan.

* My apologies to the late Mr. David Foster Wallace.

** Canine Carts are available at the Chelsea location of Bed, Bath & Beyond.  Not all locations may be dog-friendly. Please check with your local store to confirm its policy.

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